broken4purpose

So how does someone who has already been through what seems like so much deal with more in his life and keep going? Only because of Christ all-consuming love, I have not been consumed. He is my rock and refuge and in Him I will trust. This is not my final destination and this is not how my story will end.

Am I not worried about falling back into depression? Yes and No. It happened once but now that I have opened myself up and I have the needed support around me I feel more confident. And now when I start to go down a rabbit hole I have tools in my belt to help me STOP.  Additionally, I have worked with a nutritionist and corrected diet, improved fitness, vitamins, and worked with doctors to correct medication.

How is it fair that I can lose more again to something that like my injury and now illness is not my fault? Life was never promised to be fair, people battle all kinds of illnesses, diseases, misfortune, unforeseen deaths, paralysis, and the list goes on. For me the serenity prayer wraps it up.  

God grant me the serenity.

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world.

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right.

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

It can be scary to lower your defenses and open up your life to others. When you reveal your failures, feelings, frustrations, and fears, you risk rejection. And this has happened. How do you handle it when someone stops accepting you and the love you’re called to give? What rejected love does. It stays faithful. It takes me to Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ loves us no matter what, even if we reject him and his love, it says he still stands at the door and knocks. And then it states, “He gave himself up for her.” That’s right he suffered the most horrific deaths, carried his own cross after being beaten, and then while dying Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. ‘ And they cast lots to divide his clothing” (Luke 23:34). I don’t remember it stating him asking for one more nail, and if God allowed His son to suffer why do we think we should not be allowed to suffer?

This is love we are called to!! Not just to our wives but to our neighbors/everyone as well, I am second. And we need to show ourselves and remind ourselves of Christ love and accept it, this enables use to love like he loves because we cannot do it on our own. It’s like a pipe, if you are not getting fed by the living water you have nothing coming out the other end of the pipe to offer those around you. We cannot be our own source, we cannot do this life alone, we need Him and support from each other. You are needed, I am needed, every one of us has something to offer and is unique.

I now realize that God has carved out this time for me to reflect on myself, and to move to His way of thinking. Not to assume the worst. Give my worries up to the Lord and reflect on His promises.  And my favorite verse is Jn 16:33, he has conquered the world take peace in Him.

You do not lose love, you choose to give it up, if you think otherwise, I will question if you really understand what love is. You don’t lose pieces of yourself, you just realize the strength you have in being able to change yourself and accepting your own weakness and need for something greater. You surrender, because you finally realize that you are weak, and you cannot do life alone and God has placed amazing people in your life. I’m choosing to live a life of love because to make the choice to give up on love makes no sense.

We are all like the most beautiful mountain you can imagine, from a distance we are amazed at the beauty and strength. However, as you get closer to that mountain you start to notice imperfections, missing pieces, cracks, rough terrain, and some are still growing. But all those imperfections are what makes it beautiful and strong! And when we see a rockslide or what looks like it is losing pieces, it is firming up the base of the mountain and filling in areas so that it can grow higher and be more majestic.

Let’s let go of the idea of perfection — we are not perfect, we are real. Let’s be flawed and allow ourselves to make mistakes. Recognize that we’re not always going to have it all together. Sometimes our heart is going to break, we are going to get hurt, we are going to feel pain. Let’s not apologize for being broken — every time we break, we become exposed to our sensibility. We become more open with ourselves. We become more alive. We see there is nothing quite as beautiful as the souls of those who are beautifully broken. Their hearts are heavy, but they love the deepest. They have seen the dark, but they appreciate everything that shines. They’re compassionate, understanding, and empathetic. Beautiful hearts just don’t happen and don’t focus on loss but growth.

If you are struggling, get help it’s out there, can’t find any let me know I will do what I can to help you get the help you need. Need someone to talk to now? Call right away 988 the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline they are open 24 hours, save the number in your phone, I did.

At the end of the day, you are not alone, and you are needed, you are not forgotten!!