broken4purpose

So today marks 11 years since my injury and what a journey it has been. This injury has taken a lot away from me but also given so much back to me. It has been one hell of a journey and one I would never sign up for but also one I was given no choice on. These last years I have come face to face with undeniable reality, and overwhelming events and all I could do is focus on my response. Learned ‘the art of acquiescence’—ditching all plans, accepting all the costs, the lost time, the inescapable human frailty and mortality we all wish to deny.

Below is a list of things I have accomplished in the last year and notes from last week of journaling in lessons learned from this injury.

Accomplishments:
* downhill skiing at Stevens Pass
* started playing wheelchair rugby and traveling with team
* started traveling alone on business trips
* accepted that I am worthy, lovable and valuable
* started playing pickleball
* faced my depression head on
* went kayaking in single kayak
* lost 60+ lbs
* no longer need power assist wheels on manual chair
* attended first Empower Spinal Cord Injury (SCI), Inc camp in Missoula
* ability to transfer into bed without the need of transfer board
* ability to dress myself in the morning completely, including shoes. This is huge and something I never believed was going to be possible.
* attended comedy and concerts events alone, some by choice some not but I did it
* courage to take a normal taxi when traveling by transferring into the seat
* maintained my meditation on a daily basis
* read 20 books, impressive given I think I read 1 book all through high school
* restructured diet and overall health program including working with a naturopath and changing up supplements
* continue to meet with therapist and challenge and grow me
* I can now look at myself in the mirror
* surrounded myself with people of mutual faith and those who believe in me and see value in me.
* learned to accept what I cannot change and focus on what I can change, ME
* continued to volunteer coach football at local high school so been coaching for 2 years now
* changed prayers from fix this too, what are you trying to show me and what do I need to learn
* Shinning a spot light on the shadows of my motives

Things I have learned:
* What once was, is no longer
* Just because you gave someone a second chance does not mean they will do the same for you.
* People lie. People take the easy way out. People chase the wrong things. Not always, not all people, but most people, most of the time. Yet here I am, perpetually shocked and disappointed. Perpetually upset and resentful.
• Most people just do what they want in the moment, what’s easiest in the moment. Most people are not trying to live up to any kind of standard.
* You know how a little acorn becomes an oak tree? An oak tree is just an acorn that refused to give up.
* There is no growth in your life without change. There is no change without loss. And there is no loss without pain. You’ve got to let go of some old stuff, and it’s not always going to be easy.
* It takes daring and toughness to go to therapy—perhaps more than just white knuckling it.
* It’s a brave thing to share your struggles with a friend or to hire a coach or expert to help you get better at something.
* It takes a confident person to ask a question or admit, “I don’t know.”
* The secret to changing your life is not willpower. It’s God giving you the will and the power through the Holy Spirit to do what needs to be done.
* This injury and my struggle with depression for someone made me unlovable.
* For years and years I have been nothing more than a burden for someone.
* People who I thought were friends will stab me in the back in the blink of an eye
* Life is not beautiful and full of hard and uncomfortable times. It’s our choice on how we handle them.
* Happiness is not found in sex, alcohol, drugs, or experiences. There is only one path to true eternal happiness
* Without truth, your life will fall apart, and spiritual darkness will take over
* Our life of integrity isn’t a piece of the pie. It’s the whole pie. It holds you together through tough times. It gives you strength.
* A lack of integrity in any area of your life will leave you vulnerable. The moment you start segmenting your life into different pieces—your church life, family life, work life, mountain life, etc.—you’ve lost your integrity. You’re not living the same in all areas of your life.